5 Tips to Help Women Negotiate Better

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I was listening to a podcast a few months ago and the podcast host was talking about how women are terrible at negotiating. At first I thought I heard this incorrectly? The host of the podcast and author of a book chatted about the wage gap between men and women and one issue being that women don’t negotiate. Interesting? I didn’t know NOT negotiating was an option.

I am of the belief that you are your biggest advocate and in order for you to advocate for yourself — in the salary of a job or in life, you need to believe in yourself. I know that sounds a little wishy washy but it’s true. If you don’t believe in yourself, or think you are worth it … you will not negotiate for yourself. You will not BELIEVE you deserve that higher salary, that raise or that bonus but belief isn’t everything, right?

We all come from different walks of life with different challenges and obstacles. For example, you maybe a new graduate out of school and new to the industry — so you don’t want to offend the employer and will gladly take the salary offered or you are the sole provider for your family and need the income because you need to put food on the table for your family. All of these reasons for not negotiating are valid (and I don’t have a counter argument for not negotiating in these circumstances)— but my question is what are your male counterparts doing? How are your male counterparts dealing with these obstacles?

After the podcast episode was over, I started thinking about myself and my childhood and realize that I had a role model when it came to negotiation— my brother. He ALWAYS negotiated for everything. He negotiated at every job interview and never just accepted the salary or terms of the agreement. When I was growing up social media was limited— so I only knew what my brother did, and I thought everyone did this… so it’s what I did. When I got a job offer and the salary was presented I negotiated my salary and in some cases, they didn’t budge but in MOST cases I was offered more than the original amount because I chose to negotiate. I chose to ask. Looking back I think asking for more money was rare — especially because I was a young female. From an interviewer’s perspective this likely showed confidence. In my brain I thought — whats the worst thing that can happen … they can say no? So what?

Before I became a dentist, which feels like an eternity ago, I used to work as a Project Analyst for a large hospital. I remember wanting this job so badly — they offered me a certain salary which I felt was life-changing money at the time. I remember thinking I would be CRAZY to negotiate the salary… but I did. All I kept thinking was the worst they could say is no. In the end I started at a salary of 3% more than the original offer.

Think about the positive outcomes from this single ask. First, I gained a win because they said yes — and gained more confidence in my negotiating skills. Second, I likely provided the employer with a certain view of me as an employee — one that knows her worth but also is willing to take a chance and ask. Third, I started off at a higher salary — so if I stayed with the company, I would be eligible for an annual increase, which would allow me to grow my income faster than someone who didn't negotiate their salary. Even now, as a dentist — before signing any contract I always negotiate the terms of my contract and I don’t just accept what is offered.

Negotiation is a fine art and one that involves a lot of practice. The more you practice, the better you get at it. I for instance negotiated the wage of my very first job at a local pizza franchise — they said no, but I practiced asking anyways. With every high school job — I negotiated. During my university summer jobs — I negotiated, until I had the opportunity to negotiate my Project Analyst salary and by that point — I was confident and strategic in my negotiation, because I had years of practice in doing so.

Therefore, I wanted to offer some key tips/ strategies I have used in the past to negotiate & to hone the skill of negotiation:

1. Know what you are worth — by that I mean do research, figure out what other people in your field are typically making (specific to your geographic location).
2. Skills— what key skills sets you apart and makes you different? And how can that difference be an asset to the company or in your specific field?
3. Practice — the more you negotiate the better you become. Negotiation is in everything you do, so I suggest integrating it into your daily life. For example, practice by negotiating the deal of a car, buying furniture, or posting items on a buy/sell site. The more you do it the easier it becomes and the better you get at it.
4. Body language is everything — hold your head up and shoulders back. Don’t look down when talking. Be confident and assertive.
5. Other — if salary negotiation is off the table negotiate other things — benefits starting ASAP without waiting the 90 day period, an extra week of vacation, a bonus based based on performance during an annual review etc.

Conclusion

My advice — as scary and as hard as it may seem you need to do the scary and hard thing and negotiate…and guess what — the more you do it, the easier it becomes until one day it’s second nature. In that process of growth, you will come to realize that negotiation was never actually hard. What was hard was going outside of your comfort zone, knowing you are worth it and realizing by asking for more money you are ultimately a leader for all women — closing the gender wage gap — one negotiation at a time.